'The way to stay married,' my mother says, 'is not to get divorced,' schrijft journalist Ada Calhoun in Modern Love, een wekelijkse rubriek van The New York Times waarbij schrijvers de vreugden en beproevingen van De Liefde analyseren (leest heerlijk weg trouwens, kijk maar).
Ada, elf jaar getrouwd (en dus redelijk ervaren), zoon van acht, over wat ze pasgetrouwde koppels met zoete 'I will always be your best friend'- en 'I will never let you down'-speeches graag zou willen vertellen (nadat man en zoon een gepeperde vlucht hadden gemist):
> I want to say that one day you and your husband will fight about missed
flights, and you'll find yourself wistful for the days when you had to
pay for only your own mistakes.
> I want to say that at
various points in your marriage, may it last forever, you will look at
this person and feel only rage. You will gaze at this man you once
adored and think, "It sure would be nice to have this whole place to
Deze 36 vragen leiden naar echte liefde. (#12 Hoe denk je over mensen die van jouw bord af eten?)
> You love this person. Of course you plan to be with him or her forever. And
yet forever can begin to seem like a long time. Breaking up and
starting fresh, which everyone around you seems to be doing, can begin
to look like a wonderful and altogether logical proposition.
> As long as you don't get divorced, you are no less married than couples
who never have a hint of trouble (I am told such people exist).
> I would go on to say (had I not by that point been thrown out of the
banquet hall): Epic failure is part of being human, and it's definitely
part of being married. It's part of what being alive means, occasionally
screwing up in expensive ways.
> That's part of what marriage means, sometimes hating this other person but staying together
because you promised you would. And then, days or weeks later, waking up
and loving him again, loving him still.
> 'The way to stay married,' my mother says, 'is not to get divorced.' En zo is het, Ada.